Movie Review: Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998)

"But these are happy tears!" .... think again. 

In Hindi, "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai" means "something happens." In this film, that something is crying. Lots of it. It's basically a three hour-long cryfest. The final scene is literally composed of the camera panning to all the people in a room, getting (tearful) reaction shots. I was so freaking depressed by the time the credits rolled... and the movie has a happy ending. Seriously.

The film stars Bollywood megastar Shahrukh Khan (SRK) as Rahul Khanna, Rani Mukerji as Tina, and Kajol as Anjali Sharma. Part of the movie takes place in the past, when the three became friends at university. The second part takes place in the film's present-day timeline, eight years later. In college (or is it high school?), the three friends end up forming the world's most depressing love triangle while wearing some bitchin' 90's clothes. Also, they play basketball a lot. Poorly.

These smiles are lies

Basically, Rahul is in love with Tina, but Anjali is in love with Rahul. Unable to take the pain of seeing Rahul and Tina together, Anjali leaves school in a really sad scene, vowing to never see them again. Of course, because this is Bollywood, that's obviously not going to happen... although this movie isn't afraid to break the conventions of normal character introductions/departures. Wait for the second half of the movie... you'll see what I mean.

In Hindi, Salman Khan means "Major character introduced after intermission"

I digress. Returning to the story... Tina realizes that she has come between Rahul and Anjali, and although she's sad about it, marries him anyway, because she actually does love him, too. They have a daughter, whom Tina insists they name Anjali. Kid Anjali (Sana Saeed) was probably my favorite part of this movie. She is spunky, sassy as hell, hilarious, and a near-diabolical schemer. Saeed and SRK have great father/daughter chemistry, and I enjoyed watching their scenes together.

No summer camp for you! Also, smiling is against house rules. 

Because this is the saddest movie of all time, of course Tina dies due to complications from childbirth. Before her death, she writes eight letters to her daughter, to be read on each of her birthdays, so that baby Anjali will be able to get to know her mother. And, you know, to get the kid invested in a decade-long love triangle. Will this incite her to play matchmaker between her father and her namesake, whom she's never met? Of course! This is Bollywood! Will Rahul and (the other) Anjali end up together? I'm going to do something I never do and tell you the answer. Yes, yes they do. And you would think that would be a happy occasion, right? Wrong. The closest this movie gets to happiness is bittersweet relief.

Wishing for the sweet release of death

This film is considered a Bollywood cult classic and is Karan Johar's directorial debut (we love his show, "Koffee with Karan," check it out on Youtube). There is certainly a lot to like here, from the hilarious 90's clothing, to the random summer camp escapades, to the matchmaker kid, to the un-credited fourth member of the love triangle (love rectangle?), SRK's hair. I thought that SRK had good chemistry with both Rani and Kajol. However, there are a few things that made this movie just... not my favorite.

My biggest problem with the film as a whole, other than the fact that it made me want to sit alone in a dark room, sobbing into a glass (bottle) of wine, is that is was trying to be too many things at once. It was like Johar smashed together the plots of Pretty In Pink, The Parent Trap, and the generic late-90's American teen movie of your choice, added some fairly-mediocre song and dance numbers, and dunked the whole thing in a bucket of tears.

Like her love for Rahul, Anjali's unibrow is also one-sided

Another thing that bothered me has to do with one particular scene in the film. If you don't want any spoilers, skip to the next paragraph. When Rahul and (adult) Anjali meet up again for the first time in many years at the summer camp, they play a game of one-on-one basketball. Apparently, Anjali is awesome at basketball, and beat Rahul in a game the last time they played. Cue the weirdness. What was (I think?) supposed to be a playful, flirty, sports-as-a-love-metaphor scene ended up being awkward and painfully uncomfortable to watch. I literally cringed watching Rahul be continuously disrespectful to Anjali, verbally taunting her (above and beyond a flirty level of banter) and getting the whole camp to proclaim that Rahul is better at basketball and that Anjali is a cheating loser. Rahul ends up winning the game, and Anjali doesn't even score a single point. (P.S... what is it with Bollywood's obsession with basketball? It shows up ALL the time). The scene was quite awful to watch, actually... and worse because it is never brought up again. In fact, the love narrative actually speeds up immediately following it. It made no sense to me. My poor heart can only take so much!

Pretty sure this was the next scene. Seriously.

The last thing thing that disappointed me, especially with a film as well-produced and famous as KKHH, was the quality of the subtitles. They were pretty laughable. My husband watched the film with me, and was constantly confused and irritated by them. He has not watched as much Bollywood as I have, but he has watched several BW films, and this is the first time he has ever mentioned that the subtitles were so bad that he couldn't understand what was going on. LOL.

All in all, I can't in good conscience give Kuch Kuch Hota Hai a glowingly positive review. While I really appreciated watching Bollywood attempt to tackle the 90's teen movie genre, I don't think it really captured the spirit of those films. Although the clothing and the setting worked, the film as a whole was too bogged down with trying to do too much.

In conclusion, something's happening... but it's not this film.

Ratings: 

Dance Numbers: 1/5
Costar Chemistry: Rahul/Kid Anjali 4/5, Rahul/Adult Anjali 3/5
Entertainment Value: 1.5/5
SFX/Production Value: 3/5
Subtitle Accuracy: 2/5

Overall: 2/5 Hair gel-tinged Tears. Would not recommend.